Man Arrested After Arm-Wrestling Violence
Thu Jul 3, 7:53 AM ET

BOSTON (Reuters) - A New Hampshire man has been charged with assaulting his girlfriend after flying into a violent rage when she beat him in an arm-wrestling match and called him a "wimp." The Union-Leader newspaper reported on Wednesday that Raymond White and Lisa Smith had been drinking early on Tuesday when she remarked that he didn't have any muscles and challenged him to an arm-wrestling match.

Smith mocked White after winning the contest, and he responded by grabbing her by the hair, dragging her down a set of stairs and punching her several times in the head, the paper said, citing court documents. White was charged with simple assault, a misdemeanor. He pleaded innocent in Manchester District Court, and a trial was set for September.

Suspect Surrenders After Deputy Barks
Sat Jul 19, 8:08 PM ET

CHATTANOOGA, Tenn. - Henry Ritter had no plans of biting a suspect he was chasing, but he saw nothing wrong with barking. Ritter and Richard Gough, both deputies with the Hamilton County Sheriff's Department, stopped a car July 12 because of a broken taillight. The driver, 21-year-old John Nicholas Hood, jumped from the car and ran into the woods, according to the arrest report.

The officers' calls to Hood went unanswered so Gough said they were sending a dog after him. Ritter started barking. "He stood up and said, 'I'm here. Call off the dog,'" Ritter said. Hood, of Decatur, appeared in court this week and was charged with driving under the influence, driving on a revoked license, evading arrest and a taillight violation. Judge Bob Moon bound his case over to the grand jury.

"I suppose as long as the officers have had their shots and don't bite, I'll allow them to continue that technique," Moon said.

I wonder if this minion of the law realizes he could have a show biz career or at least a spot on Leno.

How Do You Reload This Son of a Bitch?

Nominated for Quote of the Year is the statement made by Texas Congressman Dick Armey when asked, "If you had been in President Clinton's place
would you have resigned?"

Armey's reply: "If I had been in the president's place I would not have gotten the chance to resign. I would have been lying in a pool of my own blood, looking up, and listening to my wife ask, 'How do you reload this son of a bitch'?" (This great quote and the following irreverent and politically incorrect were sent to us by regular reader DD from Lake Havasu, Arizona.)

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE

Why is air a lot like sex? Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities.

What's the fastest way to a lawyer's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact with women? Breasts don't have eyes.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the cage with... "a recipe."

How times have changed. Years ago...When 100 white men chased one black man, we called it the Ku Klux Klan; today they call it the PGA TOUR.

Delightful Hillary Bashing From the Archives

The following were submitted by Minnesotan Senor Beel, a faithful reader of both of our Blogs: Critical Curmudgeon and All Things Ill Considered

"Hillary's got this huge book, it's a memoir of her life and times at theWhite House. In the book she says when Bill told her he was having an affair, she said 'I could hardly breath, I was gulping for air.' No, I'm sorry, that's what Monica said." David Letterman

"Hillary Clinton's book hits the stores this Monday. Oh boy, it took her a long time to write it. But in her defense, every time she tried to use the desk, Bill was always using it for a date." Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoirs are out. So much of her personality shines through, that in the end, you'll want to sleep with an intern." Craig Kilborn

"In Hillary Clinton's new book 'Living History,' Hillary details what it was like meeting Bill Clinton, falling in love with him, getting married, and living a passionate, wonderful life as husband and wife. Then on page two, the trouble starts." Jay Leno "

"Hillary Clinton has finished her memoirs while Bill has barely finished the first chapter. Well, in all fairness, Fiction is a lot harder to write." Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton, our junior senator from New York, announced that she has no intentions of ever, ever running for office of the President of the
United States. Her husband, Bill Clinton, is bitterly disappointed. He is crushed. There go his dreams of becoming a two-impeachment family." Letterman

"Last night, Senator Hillary Clinton hosted her first party in her new home in Washington. People said it was a lot like the parties she used to host at the White House. In fact, even the furniture was the same." Jay Leno

"Senator Hillary Clinton is attacking President Bush for breaking his campaign promise to cut carbon dioxide emissions, saying a promise
made, a promise broken. And then out of habit, she demanded that Bush spend the night on the couch." Late, Late Show host Craig Kilborn


"Hillary Clinton is the junior senator from the great state of New York. When they swore her in, she used the Clinton family Bible. You know, the one with only seven commandments." David Letterman

"CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it." Jay Leno


A Parable: The Cracked Pot.

A delightful submission by my enchanting muse The Contessa.

A water bearer in China had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while
the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot
arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots of water to his house.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection and
miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do. After two years of what perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to
the water bearer one day: "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes the water to leak out all the way back to your house."

The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have
always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them. For two years I
have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we have that make our lives together so interesting and rewarding. You have to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them. Tell all of your crackpot friends and family to have a great day and remember to smell the flowers. It's not what you gather but what you scatter that tells of the life you have lived.